Joke 1: What does a train say when it is practicing? It was training. Joke 2: Intercity Farewell? Must of been hard to Swallow. Joke 3: What does a Class 158 and runners have in common. They are sprinters. Joke 4: I bought a lovely Shed recently. Oh wait not the Class 66 kind.
The swallow ones quite good to be fair. Here's another... What did the steam loco say when he baked a cake?..................................I'm well chuffed with that! Terrible, I know but it is 20 past 11 at night.
The pessimist sees only darkness in the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist realizes the light comes from a train, the engineer sees three idiots on the tracks.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the trains…
I am terrible with coming up with jokes too. “I was walking fast on the platform and I slipped on ICE as I got on board”.
Two trains were waiting at the engine shed. One said to the other “I drove 1000 miles yesterday”. The other said “That’s incredible. A talking train”
An apprentice signalman in a rural signal-box was being quizzed by his superior. “Two trains are approaching the passing loop but one of the points is frozen. What do you do?” “I'd set the points I can so that both trains can enter the loops. That way at least one of them can carry on while things get sorted.” The supervisor nodded approvingly, “What if neither points work? A problem with the interlocking- both trains are heading for the same track.” “Set all the signals to danger.” said the apprentice. “The problem's in the levers- everything's jiggered and you can't set the signals.” “Crikey...” said the apprentice but quickly, “Look in the toolbox over there for wire clippers, a hacksaw, anything that will cut through the signal cables. Once the tension's off the cables they'll fall into the danger position- they're weighted to fail safe.” “But the signals are clogged with snow- they don't budge.” "Shin up the ladder to the gantry and jump on them if I have to...” “There's been days of snow which has frozen solid- you can't break it!” “Get the lamp from behind the spectacles and melt the snow!” “The lamp's run out of oil!” “Oh for...” said the apprentice beaten, “Well... my brother lives a couple of minutes away- I'd get back to the box, ring him and tell him to get down here sharpish.” The supervisor thought about this for a moment then asked, “What could he do about it?” “Sod all” said the apprentice, “but he's never seen a train crash.”
“Peep Peep” said Thomas “Poop Poop” said Gordon Just then the Fat Controller came out of the station toilet. He said to a passer by “I’d give that five minutes if I was you” “Ha Ha”, said Gordon, “I win”
Couldn't find it on YT but it was on Twitter (if it will work here) Billy Connolly telling the signal man joke. A classic
Just came up with a good joke. While I was on a beach in the Bahamas in the back of my mind was 45596 Bahamas.
OK, those were some good memes TSW Nathan. Actually now I want to Google train memes... *Googles train memes* Some of those were epic. I wonder if I should share them here.
Oh look, a pudsey pacer. *(In pudsey there is a running group called the pudsey pacers and this is new pudsey in case you don't know)
A HST and an Azuma were sitting next to each other in a station. The Azuma said how busy his day was and so the HST smirked and said to the Azuma,''You had better crack on then''.
Yep when I went to see 34046 Braunton at Eastleigh a saw an 800 with the front coupler open in the Arlington yard.
To be honest I have just put my job on the line for that joke. That was a very interesting time and just to save my back I am not going to say more than this on the matter apart from it was all 80x fleets in service at the time which were checked.